I am the Chair of the LGBT+ Staff Network and a Director of Plymouth Pride CIC. My experience as an openly gay man has varied. I have had some positive experiences and some that are not so positive.

As I am sure many LGBT+ people experience, I often have to “come out” everyday when meeting new people. This can come with anxiety as I can never be sure what reaction I might get. Thankfully, I do not usually get a negative response anymore when mentioning my husband. However, this can be a negative experience for many LGBT+ people. When I am unsure about someone, I will often refer to my husband as my partner, deliberately not mentioning their gender. This is so I can get a better understanding of who I am talking to. One time I did this when looking for new accommodation, when I was a student. Initially the conversation with the landlord was going well and I began to arrange a viewing. This ended when they found out my partner was male. They began to make excuses saying things like “we don’t normally rent to two men sharing because of noise”. I have also had a similar situation where the landlord did not show up to a viewing and then stopped responding to phone calls and emails after finding out I was gay.

I am lucky enough not to have experience physical violence due to my sexuality. However, I have been subject to verbal abuse from strangers, particularly when holding my husbands’ hand. There have been many times when we have had slurs shouted at us as we walked down the street together and had many looks of disapproval. It is not all bad though I also get looks or approval, support and smiles from people that are approving.

There has also been times when being a patient in the hospital, where I have had to correct the people responsible for my care. In this experience I have had members of staff make assumptions and ask me about my “wife”, after seeing my wedding ring. I was confident enough to correct this and everything was fine. However, this is not the experience of everybody and many LGBT+ people might not say anything as they fear a bad reaction.

It’s not all bad. I am lucky enough to have had a largely positive experience. Both my parents were accepting of my sexuality from the very start along with my friendship group. When I came out to my dad I remember him saying he accepts it but doesn’t understand it. At the time this annoyed me, and I did think “what’s so hard to understand?”. Now time has passed, and I have grown as a person I know that it is more important to accept someone for who they are, and that understanding someone, and their identity can take time. As long as you accept and respect someone, true understanding can come in time.

As a gay man working in the hospital, I have had some great experiences. Through my union work and being the Chair of the LGBT+ Staff Network, I have been able to use my experience to speak to people, improve their understanding, and support staff in the Trust be themselves. It has hearted me to see the number of individuals within the Trust that have come to me for advice so they can better support their colleagues.

I look forward to working with my colleagues inside and outside the Trust to represent our community at events, such as Pride, and supporting people to be themselves in all aspects of their lives.

Who or what helped you the most?

I think what has helped me the most is people accepting me for being me. They have taken the time to understand my experiences and do not let my sexuality get in the way of things.

What advice would you give to others about how to support LGBTQIA+ colleagues?

The biggest piece of advice I would give is to accept others for who they are. Simple things like usings someone’s preferred name or pronouns can make a massive difference to how someone feels.

Take the time to learn. There are loads of resources available online that can tell people what the different terms mean and how to approach conversations in an inclusive way.

Don’t assume. We all have our bias, and it can be difficult not to just assume something about someone. Take the time to get to know them and ask open questions that don’t specify a gender or sexuality.

For managers. Support your teams to attend network meetings and events. Promote what is happening in the Trust for LGBT+ people. Take the time to understand the Supporting our Transgender Colleagues SOP.Lastly do not be afraid to make a mistake or say the wrong thing. We are all human and are always learning. If you do make a mistake, say using the wrong pronouns, all you need to do is apologise and correct yourself, then move on with the conversation. You do not need to make a big thing of it. Most of the time a simple apology and a willingness to learn is all that is needed.